Isn’t that all that we can ask of ourselves?
I was with a life-long friend yesterday who shared that he has been very anxious as of late. His autistic son, who is over thirty years old, had been acting out. His son takes constant oversight, which can be exhausting and taxing. What has made this challenge even more challenging has been his recent aggressive behavior that has been coming out in public settings when he does not get what he wants. It has made my friend, anxious and more withdrawn. I have always looked up to him for his outgoing, quick-witted and magnetic personality. I shared with him a similar situation that my wife and I have been experiencing of late with my 87 year old mother. My mother lives with us. We are her chief caregiver. As of late my mother has started to become more challenging. She has become more unstable and has fallen multiple times. She has been having hallucinations due to UTI’s (urinary tract infection) with bouts of incontinence. She has increasingly started to lose her short term memory. Getting old is NOT easy as I wrote about last week. We can’t leave her alone and the constant oversight sometimes can become “overwhelming” at times, as my wife shared. My wife, who has a similar outgoing personality as my life-long friend, had become more anxious of late. My heart hurts to see both caregivers, who I care about, suffer.
I shared with my friend what I have been sharing with my wife in an attempt to ease his mind and add some perspective. My wife is a saint and has a stairway to heaven for taking care of my mom. I discussed with her that she/we are doing THE BEST that we can. We are doing more than anyone can expect us to do. We are taking care of her like we would want to be taken care of. This is all we can do. Take comfort in this fact. Don’t worry about the things we can not control. I knew my friend and his wife were doing THE BEST they could do in providing the love and care for their son, despite the many challenges. I asked “was there anything else you could be doing better?” I knew the answer to my question. He replied that he and his wife were doing their absolute best. Hopefully it had provided some comfort to ease my friends anxiety. He thanked me for providing this understanding and perspective from the outside.
Life is not easy. As the award winning American memoirist, popular poet, and civil rights activist Maya Angelou once said… “Do the Best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.” Isn’t that all that can be asked of us? If we do our best, take comfort in our efforts and don’t be anxious. Be proud and at peace with yourself. Give yourself a pat on the back. Be kind to yourself. Celebrate your efforts and ease your mind. Then maybe go do a “first” and enjoy life – it’s too short.