An article from a Harvard trained psychologist popped up on my news feed this past week that was titled… “If you use any of these 9 phrases every day, your relationship is more successful than most.” The article was published by Dr. Cortney Warren. Always looking to improve myself, I was intrigued as I read the following list of the nine suggested phrases…
1. “I appreciate your effort.” Happy couples / people express gratitude for each other’s efforts. It is tempting to become overly focused on the things you do not like and point them out. Resist the temptation.
2. “I like you.” The healthiest couples / people don’t just love each other, they like each other too.
3. “Help me better understand this.” We all have different upbringings, vulnerabilities, values and beliefs that shape how we think. If your partner / friend reacts to a situation in a way that you do not understand, reach out for a better understanding.
4. “I’m listening...” You have to be willing to suspend your desire to be “right” or get your point across – long enough to hear and empathize with your partner’s / friend’s perspective.
5. “I’m sorry.” Taking responsibility for our role in conflicts – and genuinely apologizing – is critical in repairing rifts.
6. “I forgive you. Can you forgive me?” Forgiveness is hard. It requires being vulnerable, letting go of something that causes you pain, and changing your feelings towards your partner / friend. Carrying the burden of resentment, a grudge or hate by not forgiving hurts you like a festering cancer from the inside.
7. “I am committed to you.” Being in a relationship is a choice. Reassuring your partner / friend that you choose to be with them and to work through challenges helps create a sense of safety and stability.
8. “Let’s have some fun!” It helps to find humor during tense moments. The happiest couples / friends are able to break tension and recalibrate the mood by finding room for an authentic smile, silly banter or a lighthearted joke.
9. ” I LOVE you.” This one is simple. Verbally or in writing expressing your love for another keeps the relationship alive, like providing water to a plant. When you say it, make sure you mean it.
Seems simple, doesn’t it? As I thought about this, I realized this applies to all of the relationships in my life. Not just my wife, but my family, friends, and staff. I’m going to try to do this as a first. I am going to look at this list daily to find the opportunity to practice this and use one of these phases to make my relationship(s) “more successful than most.” Maybe you’ll join me?